12.18.2003
do you ever look so far into the future that you begin to lose sight of the present? do you ever just want time to stop, so
you can dwell in the moment? i want life to move on so badly...yet i am scared to give up all that i have. all that i have
worked so hard for...but do these titles have any meaning? do they change who i am? am i a better person because of them...or is that just what i tell myself. are these personal justifications just my subconscious’s way of hiding my insecurities?
maybe i should stop listening to me...
tonight i went to see lord of the rings. i knew that i'd be a little late for my sr. sports banquet...but everything would be
okay! i would just hurry out of the theatre, miss the dinner part of it, and get there in time for the awards! well, things
didnt go quite as planned. (of course) i got there...
...just in time to miss it all. i was met at the door by my raging mother who handed me 3 plaques, and a nameless kid (about 10 years of age) who started spewing about "the bazillion awards" i wasnt there to receive. After making it through the montage of people hounding me about my previous whereabouts, i slid inside, and stood by the back wall. the first person to catch my eye was my cheerleading sponsor, sitting on the other side of the room. i could see the tears in her eyes hiding behind that perfect smile, even from 30-some feet away.
i then saw my softball coaches. Coach V. with that typical "youre late" smirk on his face, and Coach H. asking me a million questions with merely his eyes.
i glanced down at my plaques (coaches award, sr. s-ball captain award, & sr.cheer capt. award), and started to think.
...with these thoughts came burning eyes.
(one of the plaques had a picture of our softball team on it)
here was a picture of 12 raggedy girls just before their first game. half didnt have cleats, only two were seniors, and MAYBE eight had even PLAYED the game before. we were the joke of the school.
i remember whitney and i sitting in the bleachers of our first practice...brainstorming on recruiting techniques. "if only
_____ would have played...i bet if we could get _____ to play, we would win a game...well, what about _____! ...ok, well
maybe if we bribe her..."
you see, choices are made every single day. Some being good...others being bad. the point is, theyre being made, and living with the consequences is just part of life. 12 girls made the choice to sign up for that team. 12 girls decided to stick with it (even after the first week's conditioning - BLAH). 12 girls decided that they didnt want river oaks softball to be a joke
anymore. 12 girls formed a commitment - not only to the school's team, but also to each other. whit and i had to stay.
instead of leaving them to "suck by themselves", we decided to guide them. teach them that quitting should never be an option - even if the outlook appears bleak. what we got in return was far greater than anything we expected. no, not just a place in river oaks history, a chance to play in the state tournament, or experience a feeling like none other...but we learned that heart and dedication are all you need. we went from a scruffy bunch of sophomores (lead by 2 seniors) to a district 6a championship team. heheh...i'll never forget that regional tournament - we were predicted to go down after our first two games. we marched up to the field we were supposed to play on, and realized that we had no dugout...or benches. i sat on a log, and whitney sat on a trashcan lid. everyone else had to suffer with the dirt, or stand. (lets also keep in mind that it was 90+ degrees outside) we lost our first game, and were made to suffer through a back-to-back game. (double elimination tourney) 20 minutes and 12 sunburns later, we marched across the cow pasture only to find that the #2 team in the district was waiting for us. i remember the team lining up (side by side) against that fence...just staring. our only inspiration left? the good-luck charm i carried with me - a baby bottle pop wrapped in a red bandana. (dont ask how it originated) we scored 2 runs that game. one, by whitney...and the other by me stealing home. i acquired the prettiest bruise on my upper left thigh that day. after a few slides, the dirt on the field was quickly renamed kitty-litter. they were trailing by one, and had a man on first and second - with the top of the lineup at bat. two outs. she popped one up, just past shortstop, and ainsley made a miraculous catch. we had defeated the #2 team, and earned a place in
the state tournament. i am 90% sure that i'll never have a feeling quite like that one ever again.i remember walking into the state tournament like a kid in a candy store. you could see the strange expressions on people's faces as we walked by, and we were nicknamed the "cinderella team" of the tournament. (heck, our uniforms consisted of
softball shorts, sleeveless t-shirts, and whatever else you had)
we got eliminated pretty quickly that day, but when i look back on it now, it doesn't even matter. the realization of what we
actually accomplished hit me the other day when i walked by the front trophy case (which is full of the "REALLY IMPORTANT"
stuff) and i saw a snapshot of our softball team propped up by a state tournament trophy. we won more games this year than all of the other years COMBINED. we made a choice to stick with the team placed before us. we learned to have hope, believe in each other, and that anything is possible. sitting in that dugout for the state tournament game allowed me to realize that even if i could have hand-picked a different softball team, i wouldn't have. they were my choice, and i wouldnt have it any other way.
we were river oaks...we were history...we were 12 hearts with one heartbeat.
for a long time i stared at the black streaks running down my face in the mirror...and finally realized that it's okay to look back. memories allow us to remember.
...remember a state tournament...that first kiss...or the time you dropped your lunch tray in the middle of the cafeteria.
but maybe more importantly, they force us to remember that life goes on, and that new memories are just waiting to be
created.
as for now,
~iM OuT~
lj [11:47 PM]
